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In Other News, Big Bird is a Velociraptor

25 Jul

OK, this isn’t writing-related, but it’s important. I really can’t believe people haven’t connected the dots on this one before now. Surely it is obvious that Big Bird is a velociraptor, right?

Velociraptor attacking

Look: it’s been a few years now since the discovery that they have feathers. And surely you’ve noticed the way that on Sesame Street kids just kind of vanish and get replaced by new ones without comment. And look at the legs on that thing! You don’t see legs like that on a chicken or even emus, this is a powerful animal that leaps and jumps and tears into things. I guarantee you, this well-fed beast contains a whole human being at all times.

And the “velociraptors are extinct” thing doesn’t wash either — what’s Big Bird’s best friend? A Woolly Mammoth, the only thing too big for him to take down and eat solo. Every other creature and person on that show is alive because Big Bird permits it, for now. He is plainly on top of the food chain: so much so that one of them subsists on garbage and is so afraid as to claim to love it. But the mammoth gets respect.

I don’t see why this is so difficult, people. Nor does this have anything to do with writers drinking or procrastinating story deadlines or writing blog posts on a dare.

This post was, I assure you, purely and entirely brought to you by the letter ARRRRRRRRRRRRRgh… *thump* *bleed*

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10 Comments

Posted by on 25 July, 2011 in Writing

 

10 responses to “In Other News, Big Bird is a Velociraptor

  1. John P. Murphy

    25 July, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    *snerk* So, WordPress has started offering suggestions for publicizing blog posts, such as keywords you might add. It suggested,

    Add a couple more to make your post easier for others to discover. Some suggestions: top of the food chain, velociraptors, big bird, street kids, and thump.

     
  2. Marko Kloos

    25 July, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    I will never look at Big Bird the same way again…

     
  3. John P. Murphy

    25 July, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    Ah, I’ve been asked to explain why a modern television show has both a velociraptor and a woolly mammoth. Simple. They are unstuck in time, which is why Sesame Street never has such elementary lessons as non-linear causality or general relativity.

     
  4. George Galuschak

    26 July, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Actually, I think he’s a Phorusrhacidae or ‘terror bird.’ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorusrhacidae Obviously an immature specimen, as the hooked beak and craving for human flesh are as yet undeveloped.

     
    • John P. Murphy

      26 July, 2011 at 8:40 am

      Hmmm. I see where you’re going with that. That’s a definite possibility — though, I think the craving for human flesh is pretty well developed by now.

       
  5. Jo

    2 August, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Thank you! You have opened my eyes. It was so obvious…and I just missed it. You’re smart.

     
    • John P. Murphy

      2 August, 2011 at 12:13 pm

      Thank you! And yet, I can’t help but feel that if I were *really* smart, I’d be able to figure out just what the heck Elmo is.

       
  6. Singlarity

    9 September, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Elmo is a Wendigo.

     

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